collisionbend.com

So I’m watching the Boston Red Sox in the World Series this week.

OK, you think the Indians should be playing instead of the Red Sox. Maybe you’re right; maybe you’re wrong: the Red Sox have the better team, statistically, and they have far more postseason experience. That alone should make them the immediate favorite.

This is not to say that the Indians wouldn’t have done well; I think they would have.

But they haven’t the seasoning the Red Sox have.

I’m sorry, but this year’s Indians were nowhere close to the Tribe of 1995 or 1997, when they last went to the World Series. Their players are nowhere near what their predecessors were at the same point in their careers, team-wise. Just look at the stats.

This isn’t to say they won’t get there: they will — trust me. They will do it again and again. And we will be quite happy as a result, believe me.

Just not this year. Or maybe not next year, either. 2009, however…

OK, so on with it:

I can’t believe all these people that want to say that the Indians lost last week because of the “Cleveland Curse” — or whatever that is. I’m here to tell you that there is no such thing. No such thing as “The Curse of Rocky Colavito.” Sorry, no such thing.

Nope, not at all. The “Cleveland Curse” belongs in your own mind, a figment of your own deflated self-image, and your deflated image of our fair city.

Sorry, but it’s true: there is nothing wrong with Cleveland. Nothing at all.

Well, maybe there is: we have a serious problem with our self-image. We think of ourselves as losers, which we are not. We think of ourselves as “less than,” which we are not. We think of ourselves as having less than other metropolitan regions in terms of goods and services, but that is not true, either. And we think that just because we have something going, that there is someone somewhere that will top us — just because we’re Cleveland.

The Indians didn’t lose to Boston last week because our fair team hailed from Cleveland — they lost because the Indians: a) didn’t show up for games 5, 6, & 7; b) were too inexperienced to shut down baseball’s premier team when they had the chance.

The Browns aren’t bad because of Romeo Crennel, either: they’re improving, slowly — give them a chance: Rome wasn’t built in a day — neither is a Super Bowl Championship football team.

Just ask Bill Bellichick.

Cleveland: you need to get a hold of yourself, shake yourself a little, and realize that you have a lot of things to offer. Quit trying to play with things, as you’ll only screw yourself; quit trying to play yourself into something you’re not: you’ll only screw yourself deeper into the hole we’re already familiar with.

Manipulation never works, OK? Just be who you are, and you’ll be alright. Trust me.

On other fronts: I’m having a hard time with junk mailers sending their items in envelopes marked “PAST DUE.” No past due bills in MY house, thank you. What galled me most was one that was in a gray envelope with a large, red banner with gray type spelling out “PAST DUE.”

A-holes. Use someone else’s colors, will ya? (Which reminds me… I have a redesign coming… hehe)

And another thing: why is it that the Shoreway’s drains never drain properly? Around E. 72nd, the road banks and curves left then right (or right then left, depending on your vantage point), and when it rains, the water runs over the road — at least an inch deep — because the drain cant keep up. With brand-new car, and excellent tires, I almost lost it the other day on one of those water patches. In rush hour.

Cleveland: you’re asking for a major pileup…

And why is it, when we live on a fresh-water lake, that our supposedly beloved public power plant has WHALES (get it: *salt* water) on the side of their building? They should have freshwater walleyes and bass instead… OK, carp, too…

More coming tomorrow… or the next day… I’m having a senior moment, sorry…

Right about when I thought I had seen just about everything…

I was searching USENET (the link is there for those of you who are unaware of part of the Internet’s history — or just what USENET is).

I found this special interest group, whose title is somewhat self-explanatory:

alt.sex.beastiality.with.chickens.whilst.wearing.rubber.knickers

And here I thought I knew just about everything.

Dear (local Cleveland car dealer),

Thank you so much for your interest and belief in me. Thanks also for your belief in your product.

Unfortunately, I have chosen to purchase a brand-new, 2008 Mercury Milan. The features were far beyond what your cars offered, the quality was far beyond as well, and I have placed myself in a vehicle that meets my immediate and future needs better than what we looked at at your place.

My decision has no bearing on you as a salesperson; it was your product that left me in the lurch: you had better, and you could do better (price-wise), and you could have given me a better price on my trade. Beyond that, you could have skipped the lies and twisted truths that you use to badger people into submission.

But, I digress…

You did well, and I respect the work that you did with me, and so I must offer a reply in kind to let you know that you can stop pestering we with your follow-up calls: I ain’t returning them, and I regret giving you my number.

GO AWAY.

In short, you lost. But, in your business, you lose more often than you win. You’ll make enough to get by — until you realize that lying, strong-arm tactics, bullying, and nagging will send people screaming away rather than running toward you.

Good Luck (sick of your bullshit),

Will Kessel
www.collisionbend.com

P.S. — Here’s a list, not comprehensive, of cars and dealerships that I looked at, and what they told me about the cars:

2 - 2006 Malibu’s at Saturn of Mentor: both had “lelan” CarFax reports — both skipped sideways so badly over a bump that it was obvious that both cars had been hit — badly.

2 - Malibu Maxx’s at Sims Buick-Pontiac in Euclid. Both had “clean” CarFax reports — one had obvious damage to the rear quarter, and the other had a really bad pull — the kind of pull you get when the car has been broadsided and hasn’t had a realignment or a frame straightening.

2 - Volkswagen Jettas, one a 2003, the other a 2004 (the 2003 at Classic Toyota, the 2004 at Classic Volkswagen-Hyundai): both had accidents, and a clean CarFax report. The one salesman admitted it when pressed, the other didn’t.

The folks at Classic Volkswagen-Hyundai in Mentor then allowed me to drive a 2006 Sonata with 15,000 miles. It had a leaky transmission, which my mechanic found. It had been obviously sanitized. When pressed, they knew nothing about it.

I wanted to look at a couple of cars at Classic Ford in Mentor, but couldn’t get a salesman to help me — on a Monday evening. The $14,000 2007 Fusion in their ad turned out to be a $26,000 Fusion fully loaded.

I looked at a PT Cruiser at Brunswick Auto Mart. Worst mistake I ever made. They promised the moon. They gave me an unbeatable price, and an unbelieveable amount for my Sable, then said I could get 7.9% financing over 5 years on their car — when Chrysler was offering 2.9% over 5 years — and then wouldn’t let me out of the dealership for almost an hour, trying to pressure me into buying.

Assholes.

I looked at a 2008 Milan at Liberty Lincoln-Mercury in Independence. They quoted me an X-Plan price of $19,690 on an I4 Milan with the automatic package — and nothing else — and then proceeded to tell me that they could give me that price and it included my car as a trade — yet never placed my car on the proposal as a factor in the price.

Call that one the old “home run ball.”

There are far more examples, but these are the most relevant: if you want respect, don’t bullshit or over-pressure your prospective clients. Don’t give them a line. Don’t disrespect them.

Where I bought my Milan, they quoted me a far lower X-Plan price for the same I4 Milan with the Moon and Tune package (moonroof and 6-disc/Sirius stereo) than Liberty did for the same car without the Moon-and-Tune package. They even showed me the invoice and handed me a calculator. Then they credited my car in the deal, then figured the tax…

They were honest. I ended up buying from them. Then I ended up with Z-Plan, which sealed the deal.

Now I have a new car, a 2008 Mercury Milan I4 in Silver Vapor with a Charcoal interior, Moon-and-Tune, and the automatic package. It’s a great car. Even at a little below sticker, it’s the best-little-known secret in the American Auto industry to date: a phenomenal car at an unbelievable price — even lower than Fusion with the same options — and nicer.

And I’m as happy as a clam, whatever that means…

I am watching the Indians get thumped by the Boston Red Sox tonight. OK, it was bound to happen; the Red Sox have a good team this year. The Tribe is good, too, so I’m not all that worried; they’ll bounce back. The might not win the series, but they’ll bounce back and make it respectable.

Enough of baseball. I’m on to something else.

My beloved Buckeyes are hosting Kent State at noon Saturday (tomorrow — or today, depending on when you read this) at the ‘Shoe. The game is being televised on The Big Ten Network.

Time Warner Cable, unlike their competitors who feel that The Big Ten Network belongs in the standard tier, feels that I should pay a premium for this network.

Like I was subscribing to HBO (which I don’t).

Meanwhile, every other cable service provider offers up The Big Ten Network for no more than their regular monthly fare.

Greedy bastards. Anything to make a buck.

If I had a choice, which I don’t, I’d use another cable provider. I wouldn’t even flinch at the thought. The money-grubbing a-holes (sorry, not G-rated) at Time Warner want to squeeze every last, living dime out of each customer they screw with their over-priced service.

Time Warner Cable gets the long-dormant Recto-Cranial Invert of the Month Award for October, 2007.

~~~~~~~

My other thought comes from trying to make a purchase at www.hangonsloopy.com (the OSU Team Shop online): if you own a Mac, forget about it — it’ll never go through. Error city. They’ll tell you that your credit card is either invalid or has insufficient funds.

My card is in excellent standing, and I have more than enough funds to pay for my purchase some 300 times over.

They tell me it’s an error in their system.

Bullshit. (Again, sorry for the lack of a G-rating.)

They have so many IT students at OSU that programming a secure web store should be totally free for them — yet they still use PayPal — which they pay for! Using OSU IT students to program their site would be a great teaching resource, as well. OSU offers many co-op positions and internships for things just like this — so why don’t they use it?

What really ticks me off about them, however, is that they are only open Monday through Friday 8:00 - 5:00. When the Hell am I supposed to contact them without taking myself away from my own job? WTF?

You guessed it:

Runner-Up, Recto-Cranial Invert of the Month, October, 2007: www.hangonsloopy.com.